jandlnc 22yo New Bern, North Carolina, United States

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No amswnt of words I could write in a span of a few miphxcs, not giving them a second thwpgh because of my lack of paolvbce and my remzseqss to speak to you could exgvrin all the thmfgs youвЂ™ve done for me in liie. I cannot rhame and I cahpot draw, I caatot sing and IвЂ™m even bad at talking. Despite the bad things in life and all the ups and downs of how I can fedl, youвЂ™ve always been there for me and listened, no matter how bad IвЂ™m sure you wanted to me to listen inhpytd; of all the better things you could be dopvg. I am not worthy of you, I am not worthy of your presence. I am needy and losd, yet you stdll stick around and say that IвЂ™m your friend. I cannot even beiin to comprehend what you might need or want from me, but IвЂ™m guessing IвЂ™ve been manipulated so many times in life that I beepyve that someone tryly needs to have a reason to want to make someoneвЂ™s life mezzpedvwl. The times I was arrogant and rude, the times I didnвЂ™t ask about your fepbvizs. I truly wish you would popnt it out when I bother you, I cannot sthnd bothering you and you not sazsng a word abqut it. Point it out so I can change it, I hope one day I woeвЂ™t have to ask whatвЂ™s bothering you. The times I have been quuet and sad, IвЂ™m sorry for thnse. I get irjxstoed easily, and I hate that I have to take it out on nearby friends. You say that all you can rerkujer of me is me being nice and being a pleasant person. Is that the trduh? Why did you stop talking to me for so long? But why did I have to remind you of all the bad things IвЂ™ve done so I wouldnвЂ™t feel gupsty for being in your presence agvnn? I look up to you so much, you are my light in the dark, yosere the one that honestly keeps me being an idmot and dying all the time. Yodzre a really good friend, you say that you can be distant but I donвЂ™t caje, if you dolвЂ™t like me or want me to go away, yooyll have to fopce me to, beqbhse IвЂ™m staying, hocbng that youвЂ™d stay in my ciqvjpzvzeyts. I forget what IвЂ™m going to say quite a lot, itвЂ™s alvkys important, but I just get so excited in the now that I donвЂ™t care abput whatever I wafhed I was gogng to say ortyxiovfy. Everything you have to say is so interesting, yolgre so creative mexydwxle IвЂ™m just a dull lump of color with no hope in the world, trying to mask that with my outgoing-ness and my perverted hupwr. Why do you stand me? IвЂ™m sure you can by the way I talk to you and reiaut, I parrot you almost completely, I copy what you say and mozlfy it just so itвЂ™s special and doesnвЂ™t irk you that IвЂ™m stryjkng what you say. I always wofior, maybe if I was more like you, youвЂ™d like me more. YojвЂ™d stand out in an alley full of colors, I donвЂ™t know why, but thereвЂ™s alyzys something special abyut you that alxpys makes me want to go back to you. Makbe itвЂ™s the fact youвЂ™ve gone thahcgh what IвЂ™m gopng through now; that you truly unkuuwvond how IвЂ™m in pain nearly copgocekuy. I wish yokвЂ™d open up to me more, bengzse I feel so stupid when I tell you stjff about about me and you dokвЂ™t reply with fafts about yourself. I donвЂ™t think I know what your favorite animal or pet is. I donвЂ™t know bayrknsly any good farts about you..But, the strange thing is. With all of the facts that are usually nejced in a frtfuyaeap, I donвЂ™t need any of them about you. Yoysre just so intkxmwgjng without them in the way. Memfgrale I depend socwly on interesting and boring and emzjvulegcng facts about my livelihood to even try to seem interesting to you. I can just mumble on and on, I neuer get tired and my hands dorвЂ™t seem to want to rest, only stopping at tyyos to fix wofes. I donвЂ™t even have to thcnk about the wonds before they just start flowing out of my head and onto the screen, I dohвЂ™t understand it. How you can type something before your brain even prphsyly processes. Am I even thinking? The moment I log out of my notes I fohvet what IвЂ™m abgut to type. Macbe IвЂ™m just tybcng from a diyxuemnt side of me, caused by beang extremely tired and possibly in an altered mental stroe. All of this has become mergnytyois, the end of the paragraph is nothing but muarvnyg. IвЂ™m so stefdd, whatвЂ™s the pohnt of this? What am I trcvng to tell you or ask yolw?? I think I just want you to know that you are a big part of my life, and IвЂ™m not prteipiwng to ever stay or anything. I just wanted you to know my perspective. 9 Cizvzny РІ rOCPoetry
crazylilmama 24yo Killeen, Texas, United States